I know this is a touchy subject, but I don’t think we should be afraid of asking hard questions. It’s simple enough: how do you keep a happy and healthy marriage?
First and foremost, I never give marital advice but after being friends for several years, dating for 4.5 years and married for 20 years, I’ve learned a thing or two and I’d love to share them with you. Maybe some of these will help you to have or even sustain a healthy marriage.
Be the Bigger Person
One of the most important things I learned early in our marriage was the Art of Apologizing. Why? Admitting when I’m wrong was a significant game-changer in our relationship. No matter how good a person you are or how much you think you are doing right, there will inevitably be times when you mess up. And when those times come along, it’s essential that both people in a relationship can own up to their mistakes and show some humility by admitting they did something wrong. Trust me, walking around the house for days not talking to each other isn’t the answer. Don’t hold grudges, don’t be petty, don’t let yourself play the victim, and above all else: don’t be a martyr. If you find yourself thinking, “this is what I get for trying to help!” then maybe it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate your role in this union.
Treat Yo Self
Taking personal time to do what I love is a priority. It looks different for everyone, but for me, I enjoy walking on the greenway, choreographing Cardio Funk routines that no one will ever see – when we get to know each other a little better, I’ll revisit, going to the med spa and girls’ trips. I love a good girl’s trip. I encourage you to try it if you’ve never been on one. It’s a fantastic experience getting away with your besties for a weekend full of day drinking, shopping, and laughter!
Let it Go
I try my best not to make major decisions when angry. When I’m angry, my brain tends to short-circuit, and I lose perspective on what’s best for us in the long run. If your spouse did something so horrible (or so wonderful!) that it immediately makes you want to throw out all their clothes and break up with them forever, then maybe step back and consider if you wish to do those things now – or at least wait a few days until you’ve had time to cool down.
Trust Each Other
Opening up to Eric took a long time. Like, a really long time. I realized that if I wanted to stay in a happy and healthy marriage with this beautiful man, I needed to let go and trust him with my true feelings, vulnerabilities, and struggles. Trust is essential for a healthy relationship built on honesty, transparency, and respect. Your partner should be the person you trust most in the world—but that doesn’t mean they will love or trust you immediately. You must earn their trust by being trustworthy—even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable for you to do so!
Prioritize your Relationship
Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day responsibilities and forget about my marriage and intimacy. We set aside time for intimacy. Before you get your panties in a wad, I’m not saying we schedule sex, but if it pops off, it pops off! Eric and I have set aside two days a week of uninterrupted alone time. This is our time to catch up and have one on one conversations. Sometimes it’s over dinner at a restaurant. Sometimes it’s at home while drinking adult beverages.
For almost a decade, we’ve taken a week-long vacation without the girls and one with the girls. It feels good to get away from everyone and everything and reconnect. Don’t let other activities (work, outings with friends, etc.) affect the quality of time spent together. Maintain a nurturing environment for each other, so neither person feels neglected or taken for granted by their spouse.
Laugh It Out
One of the best ways to prevent our marriage from becoming stale is by keeping a sense of humor. Humor can be incredibly difficult in certain situations, and sometimes it feels like you must choose between laughing with someone or laughing at them; however, there is a third option: laughing at yourself. If you’re unable to laugh at yourself, then chances are your partner will find themselves in situations where they are forced to laugh at both of you—and that’s no fun for anyone! It’s essential not only that both partners keep things lighthearted but also that you keep an open mind toward each other’s personalities. After all, we’re all just human beings trying our best here on earth with one another. (And remember: humor doesn’t mean being sarcastic or hurtful.) If you can find a way to laugh together as often as possible—even just small giggle breaks when things get tense—you’ll enjoy yourselves more and have a better chance of making it through hard times together.
Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
No one knows my husband like I do. He knows me better than anyone else on this earth. Learning how to communicate with him has been invaluable. We have worked hard to find ways to communicate effectively so we can discuss the essential things in our lives and be on the same page. This takes time and effort, but it is worth it! We are not perfect at it, but our foundation for communication was established early in our marriage and has grown stronger with each year together.
Honesty
This goes hand-in-hand with communication, but if something is bothering you or making you uncomfortable, speak up!
Professional Growth
It’s important to support each other’s professional goals. Eric was right there with me when I embarked on a new career path as a sales rep after being a stay-at-home mom. He knew how much it would mean for me to go back to work and that it would be hard on our family. Even though our family dynamic shifted drastically, he continues to encourage and coach me. It feels good to have a supportive husband and family! I owe so much of my success in my new career to Eric. He believed in me when no one else did and helped me along every step of the way. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.
All About the Benjamins, Baby
It’s a fact: 50% of marriages end in divorce. Money can be a touchy subject for couples, but it’s essential to talk about it, especially when you’re in a serious relationship. Are you and your significant other financially compatible? Understanding your partner’s financial habits is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship. This is not just about having money in the bank but more about understanding where your money comes from and how it is spent! There’s no right or wrong way to accomplish this. You can achieve this by agreeing to a budget, making sound investments, estate planning, etc. Just make sure you both agree. When couples have healthy financial habits, they can weather any storm that comes their way!
Have Faith
Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and agree on matters, that discipline builds unity and strength in the marriage. And prayer is also where you can fight for your marriage together when the difficult days come. When facing challenges in your marriage, prayer can be a powerful force. When you come together to pray, it builds unity and strength in the union.
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